Small Talk in the Workplace — What is It? How to Do It

A frequent hurdle many of my executive coaching clients report is small talk or casual conversation. That’s right, highly educated, intelligent people sweating the casual conversation at a work party, a networking event, or the beginning of an interview. They’re not alone. If public speaking is something most people fear more than death — then being seated next to a stranger for a business dinner is the more private side of the same terror.

The problem is casual conversation is an essential part of work life and the higher you rise, the more important it becomes.

Take for example C-Suite occupants who avoid the lunchroom or take the same path to the restroom strictly because they don’t want to get caught in the “I don’t know what to say” space. Can’t imagine this happening? I am coaching a few people, right now, who would plead “guilty as charged” to the accusation.

If you are looking for a job, being wooed by a competitor, or contemplating a career change, interacting with others, at a variety of levels, is essential.

One of the easiest rules for quality small talk is also one of the hardest to follow — ask questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, or in a few words. That’s right, “What do you do?”, “How was your weekend?”, and “How long have you worked here?” will get you “lawyer,” “fine,” or “six years.” It’s boring to both sides and doesn’t move the conversation along.

What makes for good small talk at work?

1. Curiosity. Being genuinely interested in a person and what they have to say makes the entire casual conversation process easier. Really not interested or don’t have time? Try again, think again. With the right attitude and approach, most people have a story to tell that you have never heard. Or, they can provide you with a piece of information important for you to know. Change your life? Probably not. Enrich it? Probably.
2. Look for common ground. Even if on the surface, you seem to have nothing in common with the person in front of you, I guarantee you do. Strive to find positive things you share because whining about traffic or the flight delay can be deadly and a conversation stopper. See it as a treasure hunt and you are looking for the gold, with a new partner, the gold being an authentic connection.
3. Admit the issue. Ever walked into a room where you knew no one? Make a move and walk up to a person who seems alone and start a casual, small conversation. Tell them you’re a first-time visitor. They are often grateful you approached as well as interested.
4. Practice. A good conversationalist has a repertoire of current events and stories at their beck and call. They hone the questions making sure they come across with the right tone, length, and inflection, and match them to the circumstances and the listener. They think out their material and practice on unknowing subjects or the mirror.
5. Feed the listener. Want your small talk to grow and flow? Give the person the next question. Not specifically but by dropping clues. “That sounds like my trip to Costa Rica,” or “I’ve tried making a good _____ and was never successful. I wonder what’s the secret?”
6. Play off the surroundings. If you’re in someone’s home or office, there are a million conversation starters. The kids play soccer, someone plays the piano or chess. They’ve won an award or have a fantastic view. While it shouldn’t be the whole conversation, it does break the ice and gives the receiver a sense you understand them (or want to).
7. Be attentive. For some people this comes naturally — they can concentrate on one person. Most of us half listen trying to take in all the other action in the room or worse, plan our next question. What color are their eyes? This is a good indicator to how carefully you are listening and showing you care. Fearful you will be staring someone down? Look at the space between their brows. They’ll never know, and you will feel more comfortable in the conversation.
8. Jump over an obvious answer. Force yourself to form richer, deeper answers to questions. (Sometimes it requires a pause before responding, which is fine.) Shy away from the predictable small talk. Ideally, focus on small talk that encourages the person to say, “Tell me more” or to contribute their perspective to the conversation.

Brief, informal “small talk” conversations are essential in many aspects of life, including the workplace. They grow your network, provide you with information, and make uncomfortable situations more bearable. Following a few simple suggestions such as looking for common ground, being endlessly curious, and avoiding the obvious answer will get you the connection you want and need, and make the task more enjoyable.