In another career, in a different decade, I worked as a mental health clinician serving a diverse group of adults. Many of them were unable to articulate what they were feeling, though a good number of them acted out their emotions in less than productive ways. One of the tools we used was the feelings chart. Click here to see an example. It’s a simple and effective instrument that lists anywhere from 6 to 50 feelings. Often, they are drawn faces showing the affect connected to the text, making identification easier by just pointing. Teachers use these posters to help kids articulate feelings and grow emotionally. It can play a similar role with adults.
All of this came to mind during the current crisis. Many, many people I coach or socialize with have commented about experiences “full of unexplainable emotions” or “feeling nothing.” They were unsure where it was coming from, how to describe all the energy behind it. It’s important to note these cries for understanding are from high functioning, psychologically healthy, adults who are accustomed to having a handle on their thoughts and behavior. Okay, maybe not always aware of their feelings but trying. If they are encountering this, I thought there must be many others in similar situations.
I asked myself: Why are so many people currently feeling distracted, lonely, angry, stressed, and a list of other feelings?
First, I would say it is generally not a mental health problem, but a human situation issue driven by unique circumstances. We all have a long list of topics each of which would fit the bill — COVID19, job insecurity, economic and social upheaval, and political craziness. Fear and anxiety could be present with any of these. In combination it can lead to panic or depression.
Few of us have had to accommodate our working styles in such a rapid way. A feeling of confusion and detachment comes over us. Sure, we may have worked remotely before, but not in an office one day and on our kitchen table the next. We console ourselves with the thought employed is better than unemployed, but that realization can be scary.
The kids are knocking at the door and you are sad and guilty because you can’t meet their immediate needs. At the same time work is pinging you. Now you are conflicted. There is no solution that fixes it all and you are getting depressed. Sometimes it become so overwhelming, escaping seems like the only way to cope.
Missing colleagues and your boss were not something you worried about in the past, but it just might be the source of the loneliness and separation anxiety you now feel. You know, longing to have a casual conversation, run an idea by someone, or just talk about anything other than work. It is not there. Zoom pretends to be the answer but it’s not.
Positive psychology would tell you there are positive and negative feelings. I don’t agree. Anger can be useful, and it can also be destructive. Recent protests showed both. Sadness can be cathartic and debilitating at the same time. There are pluses and minuses with all our feelings.
Emotions are energy from and with an experience. Feelings are an awareness of this energy. Awareness is the key. It helps us choose whether we want to be the victim of the circumstance or the owner. That’s right, you have a choice and the power. It might not be obvious, but it is available.
Here’s some suggestions for when you are questioning your emotional state.
If you find yourself thinking, feeling, or acting in a way that is not your usual:
- Sit quietly for five minutes letting your thoughts travel to wherever they want to go.
- Measure your energy level — where is it coming from or why is it missing?
- Describe your feeling to yourself — out loud.
- Point to where it hurts or feels especially good — head, heart, stomach, back…
- Name the feeling — consult the chart.
- Ask yourself, “What’s going on around me and how is this impacting me?”
- Identify three alternatives or options to the feeling you are having.
- Victim or owner — which do you want to be?
- What would be playful or joyful and how to do it — Now!
- Go back to number one and see where your thoughts are.
Emotional energy and a vast array of feelings is to be human. They tend to become more frequent and intense in challenging times. Being aware helps employ them for the best.
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