How to Give Feedback

Everyone wants feedback — my utility company after a service call, the airlines, hotels, Amazon, and Apple. They all are looking for insights on how they can serve me better and looking for any missteps or flaws in their delivery of products and services.

The same is true with your employees. I can’t tell you how often my executive coaching clients tell me, “I wish I knew where I stood with my supervisor.” Why should this be such a mystery? And, why is it so difficult for employers to give feedback to their staff?

One widely held misconception is that feedback is negative. Actually the opposite should be true — there is a greater need and more payback from positive reinforcement than there is with speculation or blame.

Marriage counselors always tell couples “10 positives for every negative.” For most of us that is a challenge (particularly if you are an auditing-type by nature). But what if we aimed for two positives for every criticism or correction of an employee? What do you think the impact might be? I can tell you from personal experience it made me work harder, be more transparent, and willing to collaborate with and support my boss.

There are some essential elements for a culture that is feedback based.

1. Feedback occurs in formal ways. Yes, there are annual performance reviews, maybe even half-year but even then the time and effort put into them is often mediocre at best. We often don’t monitor or supervise the feedback that is given to those on our team. This is especially true at higher levels where no one seems to dedicate the time or is embarrassed to look at the work of others. This information needs to address challenges, opportunities, and successes in a way that is balanced with effectiveness. A formal feedback process is just that and it requires time, commitment, and a place.
2. Feedback occurs in informal ways. Probably more important and impactful than the formal. We should look for opportunities to acknowledge the good (two for one with positives) and also to correct missteps or downright mistakes as close to the moment as possible. These are the everyday, casual encounters where we take less than a minute to praise with specific examples, correct with detail, or challenge with the intention of pushing the person to higher levels. There is also a chance to talk about career development and talent management.
3. Feedback occurs frequently. Let’s not wait for a hurricane to fix the leaking roof. Besides on the spot conversations, weekly catch-ups need to be a regularly scheduled occurrence and be comprised of more than checking off of each other’s To Do lists and discussing timetables. Monthly overviews can be broader.
4. Feedback is specific. Phrases like “good job” ring hollow, shallow, and are not memorable or portable. When it is used frequently it has little impact, in fact, it can seem forced and fake. When negative feedback is broad and lacking details, it can be misinterpreted or seem universal. Give details, something to hold on to and easy to identify when it occurs again.
5. Feedback is about behavior, not the person. I am fond of saying to the children in my family, “I love you but I’m really not liking your behavior right now.” I say it so often they repeat it back to me. Admonish the behavior but never attack the individual or their character. It is non-judgmental, strictly appropriateness, effectiveness, and efficiency that are being measured.
6. Feedback takes into account the future. Every feedback encounter, whether formal or informal, needs to move forward — away from the mistake or continuing with the successes. Painting a picture of what the next step would look like is an excellent way to move on.

And then there is the challenge — the difficult conversation.

If you have no problem telling people they are not meeting standards, are not assimilating into the culture, displaying behaviors that are unacceptable, etc., then maybe you have a problem. Most people do not enjoy or even feel comfortable in such situations, but appreciate they are necessary.

Here are a few tips for when you need to tell someone something they probably don’t want to hear.

1. Be specific and keep it in the present. Have some detailed examples prepared.
2. Be objective as possible, talking about behaviors and the impact it is having on the person and others.
3. Anticipate the receiver’s response before you sit with them. How are they going to hear this information? What will be their defense? What if they say nothing or just agree to get the conversation over?
4. Practice your meeting. If it is a serious matter. Rehearse and consider running your plan and thoughts past a trusted colleague.
5. Make a list of the important points. Don’t be lured by off-topic questions or go on tangents.
6. Create an opening statement that gets the person’s attention, “I want you to know what we are going to discuss is serious. I need your full attention. Please let me speak and then you will have all the time you need to reply and ask questions.”
7. Respect everyone’s privacy by having the meeting in a professional setting and with no interruptions.
8. Don’t be surprised if the person throws the criticism back at you and blames you. Even if there is some truth to the accusation, stay on topic that is — them.
9. Do not judge. The facts, only the facts.
10. Don’t play shrink. You need a license to diagnosis mental health issues; you probably don’t have one and if you do, this is not the setting to apply it. If the person is depressed, anxious, a sociopath, or has some other sort of issue, it is none of your business, not relevant, and surely not somewhere you want to go. When the employee brings up such points, encourage them to seek professional guidance and get back to the work performance issues.

Feedback can be a motivator, a clarifier, and a warning device. It is easier to praise than to reprimand but that doesn’t mean supervisors share only the good. When and how you use the tactics mentioned above will dictate its effectiveness and strengthen your skills and reputation as a leader.