How Not to Be too Busy and Feel Good About Yourself

I recently read an article in The New York Times where the author quoted an article from Science about findings from a recent research project. The purpose of the study was to see what people would do to avoid introspection. The scientists believed many people have become so wedded to the idea that busy, too busy, is good. They would do almost anything not to have the quiet isolation that introspection requires. In some cases, subjects were willing to endure shocks just to be able to have something to distract them from being completely still.

It made me think about some of the times when I found myself addicted to being too busy but still trying to do more. I have surely seen the behavior in many of my executive coaching clients. Not only are they always overbooked, they force their staff and kids to be the same. The long term result is resentment and burnout. Short-term it has fleeting rewards.

I still am not immune to the problem but have tried quite hard to beat the trend and smell a few more roses.

Here’s what I learned:

1. Focus on the essentials. There is nothing like a family member with a life threatening illness to get your priorities in order. Unfortunately, I have helped with the care of a few very seriously ill people. While I don’t wish this on anyone, a high level issue does make choices easier. Suddenly perfection is not possible; marginal or tolerated relationships fall by the wayside (and you learn who your real friends are), and you are forced to take care of yourself because getting sick is out of the question. And, guess what? All those things you thought were critical either are there when you return, are less important, or fallen by the wayside and been replaced by another so called urgent need that you will also ignore.
2. Manage your energy. There is a lot of information about time management. The reality is there are 24 hours in a day and you must sleep a few of them. What is more important is managing your energy — physically, creative, and emotional.

   Being a night owl, I do my most creative work after 10 pm. If I have something that really takes a bit more insight and needs the special energy great ideas seem to require, I will do it at that hour. On the other hand, I do the more basic tasks, particularly the ones that require some walking to complete, midafternoon when I have that late day slump.

   Doing any of this is always more challenging when you have a boss or are the member of a team whose energy level rhythms don’t match yours. There is often room for negotiation. One of the reasons I loved working for a West Coast based company as an East Coast executive was the time difference.

   Also, I don’t know about you but sometimes I confuse fatigue with hunger. I think to myself, “I’m not tired, I’m hungry” and then do something about that.

Say “no.” Many of the people I know who seem to be in a constant state of overwhelm can’t or won’t say “no.” They will go on pleasing their kids, colleagues, partners, acquaintances, and complete strangers because they cannot say, “I’m sorry I just can’t” or “not now.” Because of their never-ending availability, people come back for more, again and again. What we need to do more of is saying “Yes” to ourselves and “no” to others. In the long run everyone benefits.
3. Have purpose. David Kenny, CEO if the Weather Company (The Weather Channel) said it best — “Speed without purpose is chaos. Velocity is speed toward a purpose.” With velocity, you can get there faster and before your competitors, or before the idea becomes stale. So if you truly want to gain velocity in getting to your goals and aspirations, expand your ideas and impact, you must first know where you want to go and what you want to accomplish, and approach it with laser focus. Remember, it can’t be everything all the time or at once.

The badge of honor many people earn for doing everything all the time, and always being too busy, tarnishes quickly. The work becomes less rewarding, you find yourself bitter about doing the work of others, or you regret what you abandoned for some now meaningless set of tasks. Having purpose, saying “no,” managing our energy, and getting our priorities straight just might help all of us with the work we do and the life we want to live.