I had a phone conversation with my good friend Doris. Doris has an interesting and rich life. She was one of the founders of the Food Network, is on the Board of a large University, earned a PhD later in life, traveled the world, and is politically active (for a time she called the White House daily). She is a daily tennis player, lives in three places in the US, and has such a busy social schedule you must book her well in advance. Did I mention she’s 83 (and her husband is a robust 93)?
On one of her rare “woe is me” days she called and asked, “Jane, how do I get through the rest of this pandemic?” I thought to myself, if Doris, with her high spirits and positive approach, is struggling everyone must be. The question is how are people coping? I decided to discuss the topic with my friends, family, colleagues, and executive coaching clients, many who seem to be weathering the storms quite well. Here’s what they told me.
- Gratitude: Whether it was because they survived the virus, did not get the virus, kept their job, remained connected with people, or found paper towels at the supermarket, they identified and embraced how fortunate they are. Many say it publicly and regularly to remind themselves things are okay. I have it better than most. Suggestion: Before going to sleep mentally go over your day. Not for what went wrong or to make a To Do list, but to put things in perspective and be grateful. Try it. You will sleep better.
- Giving Back: There are many generous people out there and then there are others I call “money hoarders.” You know the type, they can’t separate themselves from their cash (or time, or expertise, or possessions) because of a million unrealistic and selfish excuses. They are cheating themselves and forgetting others. There is far more joy in giving than getting and even more to gain from sharing. Coping in these challenging times avails all of us endless opportunities to give back. Helping a family who lives in constant food insecurity makes your dinner more meaningful. Donating clothes to a charity thrift shop not only gives another person something to wear but reduces trash. All of us have a passion, be it children, animals, criminal justice, the environment, or politics (to name a few). Each of these needs our help in dollars, time, and advocacy. The excuse is “I don’t have the time.” I would argue you need to find it for your and others’ sakes. It’s one of the best ways to cope, and distract, in these challenging times
- Embrace in the Moment: I talk regularly about strategy. I still believe it is essential for professional and personal success. I also am a big advocate of mindfulness — staying in the moment, stopping, and taking the time to see what is really going on and cleaning those thought toxins. Many of the people I spoke with feel the same. We miss the most important and blissful events when we are always anticipating the future or dwelling on the past. The present can be overwhelming. Taking everything in on a constant basis is a recipe for burnout. You will also be cheating yourself if you don’t give your mind a break. Step back, take a moment. It reboots your brain and often your mood.
- Increase Your Health Level: Most of the people I spoke with have been vigilant protecting themselves from the virus. It was and is essential. What is also important is to keep ourselves in combative health. Lock-down prevented us from following our regular health regime; impossible to go to the dentist, elective surgery was not available or not desirable, maybe we stopped taking our meds or ignored symptoms that in other times we would have addressed. Stress for many of us continues to be high, possibly ignored. The bottom line is we all know we can’t get sick. We need to be in excellent health to meet the demands and cope with these challenging times. Take a moment and assess your current health status. List the actions you should take, right now, that would increase your health quality and reduce any health worries. Include sleep in the assessment. Book the appointments, order the supplements, and look over your diet. Put you first.
- Control News Consumption: Want to get depressed and feel hopeless? Watch or read a ton of news. Sure, you should be informed but must it take hours of your time to achieve the goal? Probably not. Set a daily limit, chose your sources carefully, monitor your emotions while participating, then adjust. Ask yourself “Is this helping or harming me?”
- Cherish Family, Friends, and Home: Give all the time and attention they, and you, need. Those you love and honor should be a priority, not an afterthought. Working from home has made many of us more appreciative of the place in which we live. We found opportunities to make our places better and then did something about it. If you haven’t made a plan to keep in touch with others or make your home to your liking, do so. It will put all else in perspective and give you a group to help you cope.
In coaching we talk about extreme self-care. It is the belief you cannot help others if you have not first taken care of yourself. Expressing gratitude, generosity, living in the present, aiming for maximum health, controlling information quantity and flow and, most importantly, cherishing people and home are excellent routes to self-care as well as a way to better cope in these challenging times.
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