As most of you know, I focus most of my executive coaching on workplace issues. Granted, many of the so called “issues” are problems many people wish they had — how to get to the next level, enhancing your branding and delivery of self, and transforming yourself from a manger to a leader.
What happens when a manager or executive has self-destructive or organization-harming leadership behaviors? Then what do we do? How do they change?
I can’t help but think of an old Bob Newhart skit shown at leadership seminars to this day. The premise is a person coming into a psychiatrist’s office with a distressing behavior. The patient goes on with a long description and the psychiatrist replies with two words “stop it”. She continues with her tales of woe and his volume increases but the message stays the same — STOP IT.
Leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith and I agree. It’s easier to stop negative behaviors than it is to establish new ones; most problems in the workplace are behavioral. The best part is stopping? It is often enough to make things change.
For example, if you respond to every comment with “but” (a great conversation killer if there ever was one because it basically negates everything the person just said). If you simply stop saying that word, you would be making enormous strides in making the speaker feel heard. No need for something new, simply quit the old.
The list is endless. Here’s a few:
- Stop interrupting.
- Stop taking all the credit.
- Stop doing your staff’s job.
- Stop blaming others.
- Stop offering advice to people who don’t want it.
- Stop using anger as your default emotion.
- Stop using language and acronyms that exclude many.
- Stop sitting in your chair all day.
- Stop auditing people’s every word.
- Stop punishing the messenger.
Like any behavior change, admitting you do it and then catching yourself in the act is half the battle. Stopping may be the final solution. If you feel the need to take it further, you then have the opportunity to find a replacement and practice it, though you’d be amazed how often these steps are not necessary.
Take your inventory. What is it that you do or say that is harmful to yourself and others? We all have something. Can you imagine deleting it from your repertoire? Do you have a trusted colleague who could help you in your quest? Literally keep score (play to your competitive side) and record incremental progress. Don’t be surprised if others notice change before you. It’s very common. Keep a tally of the benefits — how you feel, how others react to you, and what gets done. Venture into other areas and apply the same process. Admit you will stumble along the way but that progress is being made. Look forward and not back. Reward yourself for your accomplishment. Offer yourself as a role model — overtly and behind the scenes.
Here’s to your success and the employees who will gain from it.
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