Over this past challenging year, I made a habit of collecting questions and statements which helped me, influenced me, and/or calmed me down. I had a frequent need for all at times. I thought I should share a few of them with you as we go into a new pandemic year.
A few questions and statements to consider.
#1 Is this helping or harmful?
I use this simple question as a measuring stick for everything from, “Should I eat that piece of cake” (sometimes the answer is “yes”) to “How is this so-called friendship working?” The inquiry is effective because it cuts through any impulsive response and makes me weigh both sides before committing to stay or change. Often my initial response does not survive the sniff test and quickly falls to the alternative.
Challenging times force and encourage us to examine people, ideas, and things that have, for a long time, just been accepted as “normal.”We hold onto beliefs, relationships, jobs, possessions, approaches, solutions, timetables, and/or values, because they have always been. (Not really, but it feels that way.)
If something is helpful maybe we should interact more with that person, expand the good habit, or continue with the clean-up and throw-out program started last March. If it is harmful, because it is burdensome, the old you, depressing, or deceitful, it probably is the time when goodbye would be appropriate.
I have several executive coaching clients who are questioning jobs that involve long commutes or significant travel. Is it helpful? Is commuting the time you read, meditate, get those emails out, or is it harmful because you find it stressful and unhealthy? If you have worked remotely these many months, have found you liked having the kids around in daylight and you have had more contact with your team?
I can’t give anyone the answer, but I can ask the question. And so can you.
#2 Most misery comes from a lack of a worthy goal.
At some level we know this, but we rarely challenge ourselves on it. Has the salary increased considerably yet we remain unsatisfied because the feel-good experiences are fleeting or paltry? Can you remember a time you decided to take a risk and make a major change? (Such as maybe having switched majors in college.)
Was it after you realized you were striving for something you really didn’t want or need? What was the outcome? How did you get there? Was it a shift in goals? Now is the time to give yourself a serious check.
What do you believe? What are you passionate about? What do you like about the people you work with? Yes, these could all be positive for you, right now, but I know some of you are questioning and wondering, “Do I have a worthy goal?”
Early in my first career (I’ve had a few), I made the decision to move from product focus to people management. Colleagues thought I was crazy. “You were chosen for the program, that’s what everyone wants!” I realized early on selling more things was not bringing me happiness. I was miserable with the goal I thought I wanted.
I made the decision to…
#3 Define and refine what you most love to do and do it.
I looked back over my previous assignments and realized the management placement was far more rewarding for me. There was nothing wrong with the company, or the sector, or the people. I had the wrong career goal. I wanted to impact people — customers and staff. I moved and never regretted my decision. It was a contributing factor in my later decision to be an executive coach. Can you relate?
#4 Habits we thought were forever, need to move aside for the new normal.
Whether it is working certain hours because successful people get up at 5:00 a.m., meeting everyone in-person because that’s what you always did, traveling to clients because they need to see your face, or some of the many other beliefs and behaviors we hold dear, were all quickly, and rather crudely, cut from us when we went into lock-down. We adapted, got creative, lost the useless, and work was completed (in some instances more and better). We survived, some of us thrived. Now there is the opportunity to challenge ourselves with the question, “Is what I thought or did really appropriate, useful, and forward-focused for 2021?” It is only a habit you are giving up or altering, not you.
Finally…
#5 It’s not how you come into a crisis… it’s how you come out.
We are all capable of successfully achieving this. We need to set the stage in such a way that using strategy, vision, collaboration, self-exploration, and honesty makes 2021 what we need and want. Have 2021 look like and match who we have become or want to be.
Often a simple sentence or phrase kept in our head, posted on a mirror, or secured on your phone can have tremendous impact. It can also soothe in hard times, motivate in challenging ones, and bring a smile when we realize we have made a shift. Give it a try.
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