“I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,” the three cries people who never really became what they had the potential to become often say. It’s too bad because now, more than ever, needs and opportunities exist in a broad range of fields, locations, and levels — independently, locally, nationally, and globally. More than one CEO has been known to moan, “If everyone delivered, at the level they are capable of, we’d be invincible.” Maybe you’re not interested in being invincible. I’m surely not but I do think about what talents, skills, and insights I have buried somewhere in this brain of mine that are underdeveloped, underutilized, or simply not conscious.
I am not talking about effort, though it plays an important role in any true success. Here I speak of untapped human resources.
A game I play with myself, and on others, asks these few questions.
What was your childhood dream? Who did you want to be and where did you want to live? Mine was Paris. Though at the age I was conjuring up the idea, I’m not sure I even knew where it was. Were you the kid with the microscope or the Legos? Did you play house or teacher; race car driver or firefighter? These early daydreams are telling and often more prophetic than we give credit.
What interested you in school? It doesn’t mean you were especially good at it but found yourself engaged in class. Many of my executive coaching clients were excellent students, so they could achieve good grades in almost all subjects. That’s different than having an affinity for a topic. Some continued their interest throughout their lives. Others long to do so and need to awaken the fascination.
What are your hobbies? It’s sad to hear but many people have few or none. Lack of time or money are mostly excuses. Hobbies for most people are stress reducers and curiosity builders. They take you out of your everyday and bring you into challenges very different than your day job. Some extra-curricular activities help you stay fit, others bring you joy, and few make you money. What they do for you isn’t important. What they say about hidden talents and possible untapped potential that is applicable to your current profession, new career, or distant retirement, is valuable.
Who are your friends? Most of my friends are in careers very different than mine. A majority are in the arts — writing, painting, music, and sciences. Other friends are entrepreneurs. Each person gives me a glimpse of a world I enjoy but have limited contact with day-to-day. They often will point out to me talents I have neglected or forgotten. Looking back to distant friendships, I see a similar theme. Should I be working more with these types of people? Probably. Is there potentially more to be gained by increasing my contacts — absolutely.
What is your greatest regret? Not going to medical school (for one of my clients). Not marrying the love of your life (I know a few people who would say this). Taking the job that paid more but ultimately did not have the long-term opportunities? We all have a list. Hopefully we don’t dwell on them too often.
Thinking forward, is there a way to satisfy that craving, go back, lean forward, and enjoy the 21st Century version of the dream. Regrets are debilitating and keep you from your potential. You can feel cheated or resentful. Someone who wants to become their full self, attempts to regain or replace what has been lost. Sometimes seeing it with new eyes is shocking (“what was I thinking!”) and at other times, it fills a void or, at best, let’s you expand.
What if money were no object? Many people fantasize about hitting the lottery, others take a more measured and realistic view; however, in both instances, having more dollars is the topic. It is true money can’t buy you happiness, but financial security can get you some peace of mind.
What would you do if all your basic needs were met and a good number of extras became available to you? A surprising number of people would not change their work. They might take more vacation and give more money to family and worthy charities.
The question is who would you be? Has limited funds held you back or is it an excuse for not making a change or taking a risk? Would the freedom increased income brings allow you to dream, do what you really want to do, and maybe expand a part of yourself? Is it the key to opening your true potential? I’m not certain about this because I know people with very limited funds who have reached their dreams and fabulously wealthy people who somehow can’t seem to be gratified or know what they want. Asking the question still is a valuable exercise.
What makes you proud of yourself? For many people it is their children. Raising kids is not an easy job and it deserves a lot of credit for having patience, commitment, setting a good example, and having a ton of energy. However, I am speaking more directly to how you have contributed to society, the workplace, your community — as well as your family.
I have coached people who have changed the world with technology, a few have saved lives (literally), two brought enormous joy to theatergoers for decades, and another helped feed thousands of children. Most of them are too humble to brag or even reveal their contributions but I guarantee others have admired and followed them. They all have reached a part of their potential.
“I coulda’ been a contender.” Marlon Brando won his first Academy Award for portraying Terry Malloy in On the Waterfront (#38 in Top 100 Movie Moments). It’s a classic phrase used in many contemporary contexts. What the character mourned was the loss of his future, dignity, dreams, and his potential.
A few simple questions might help you answer, “Am I fulfilling my potential?” “Am I living my dreams and reaching my aspirations?”
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