If you are a regular reader of mine (thank you!), you know I spend most of my time and words talking about the value of goals, hitting and stretching targets, building that resume and career. This is my professional side; an aspect of me but far from a complete picture and surely not the only way I want to be perceived.
I was therefore struck by a recent article titled, “A Moral Bucket List,” written by David Brooks, syndicated columnist for the New York Times, a radio and television commentator and blogger. The piece is an essay adapted from his current book, “The Road to Character.” Brooks opens by talking about the people he admires — the way they live their lives, how that is expressed both verbally and in demeanor, and how lacking in self-promotion they can be. He also comments on what he believes it says about their character.
Keep in mind this is a reporter who has access to almost anyone yet in this case there is no name dropping. I suspect it is because most of the people he is thinking about are not household names, nor would they appreciate being recognized publically.
In this self-reflective work, Brooks describes those traits and behaviors he sees as forming “eulogy virtues” rather than resume traits. His aspirations to be more like the people he admires fall onto his moral bucket list. It made me think “What character attributes would I like to form, build, enhance, or get rid of?” I started a, far from comprehensive, list of areas — sections on my moral bucket list.
Relationships: I have been blessed with some long and wonderful relationships, particularly with my family and partners. But, do I honor them to the level they deserve? Do I contribute more than I expect back? Keep score rather than count my blessings? Do I strive to deepen those connections and do I express my commitment to those individuals and groups?
Have my relationships narrowed over the years? Yes. Do I aspire to have a broader number of people who do not share the same political views, life experiences, perspectives, and generations? Again, yes. But how hard am I working on this to make the change or do I remain in my comfort zone of friends and colleagues who are more like me than different? Some of the richest people I know have limited funds but an abundance of deep connections. Their eulogy resume is many pages.
Gratitude: I say “I am grateful” for the many things in my life — love from my family and friends, a rewarding career, freedom from want, good health, a sense of security — I could go on and on. But, do I openly and privately acknowledge this? How do I put gratitude into transferable action? How aware of it am I in the day-to-day? How do I express it to others and acknowledge it in myself? People who are truly grateful have a way of relaying the experience without bragging or seeming false. Oprah is very keen on the topic and encourages others to do what she does — outwardly be grateful, not guilty for abundance, but generous in word, deed, and kind out of thankfulness.
True-Self: I constantly have to monitor staying true to myself. I can get wrapped up in the flavor of the month intensity that the workplace and life demands. “Get a grip Jane, no one is going to die or be injured if you don’t…” (It’s a long, long list.) Americans are notorious for identifying themselves by their career or profession. Yet, rarely, thankfully, does what they do for a living describe who they really are.
On my moral bucket list is the desire to return to many of the values I was raised on — what formed me, what contributed to the strength of my family and community. These are values such as acting for the good of the group rather than self, your word being sacred and reliable, showing up and pitching in, loyalty, and honesty. While I hope I don’t violate any of these today, I do need to take them to their next natural level and hopefully share them with those who would benefit from them.
Dedication vs. Obligation: I want to be like those who do acts of good because they are dedicated to the cause not merely obligated to complete the task or feel they “should.” If I believe in the rights of women, how do I live that every day and how do I make a significant impact? Dedication puts those things at the top of the list not on the “if I get these other things done list.” People of character will tell you about their mission, not because they need to or want the accolades, but because they know this is important to spreading the word, expanding the scope, making change happen.
A good friend of mine is keen on saying, “We all have baggage. It’s just how we pack and unpack it that matters.” I think it is true and I’ve done it on a number of life’s journeys. A moral bucket list comes in handy.
The moral bucket list is aspirational, directional, and expansive. It is rewarding and eye-opening. It can make you anxious, uncomfortable, and give you a sense of purpose and the feeling of contentment.
I am eager to hear your responses and reactions. To listen to David Brooks talk about this topic and more, go to “Take It From David Brooks: Career Success ‘Doesn’t Make You Happy’.”
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